Sunday, March 15, 2009

Gifts from an Unexpected Place

I've been rather whiny lately.

Physical pain can cause that. As I told the occupational health nurse on Wednesday, "I always understood the pain of my patients on an intellectual level. Now I understand it on a gut level." For example, Taciturn was stunned when I walked away from him in the middle of a conversation a couple of nights ago as I had to take a pain pill NOW. It could not wait. I've had patients literally scream if I was five minutes delayed in bringing pain medication. I get it now.

But, in the midst of all of this, blessings are found.

One I mentioned above, which is an increased empathy for those who suffer. I'd thought that I already did a pretty good job in that arena. One always can improve, though.

Two, I have had time to think and ponder. Why did I get this? What is so out of kilter in my life that my very nerves rebelled? I have my ideas. Among those is the job, which I have been doing much more than usual, and the job--it sucks so much energy out of me even when I'm not doing it that there is little room for the things that nourish and sustain me. And, what, by the way, are the things that nourish and sustain me?

Trying to figure those out is number three on the blessings list. And in figuring them out, what do I do with that information? Do I act on it? Do I blow it off? And what else sucks the life out of me, and how do I respond?

Time and space to actually read is another gift. The space came in Taciturn's absence. Normally his financial shows take up the entire house where there is no quiet space to read, ponder, or write (yes, he absolutely loves Jim Cramer and his sidekicks on CNBC). But after he came back, he realized it would be inconsiderate to interrupt me while on the sofa reading a book by an author recommended by Diane. So he took his financial show watching to the upstairs bedroom. He didn't want to disturb me. That never has happened before. That was a very special gift.

God certainly uses ill for good. Of course I certainly want this illness to go away, but I wouldn't do without these newly gained or re-realized nuggets of blessing.

No comments: